I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
