Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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