I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
