lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
