Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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