how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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