he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
