on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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