don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
