Don't make out with my wife yet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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