No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
