Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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