I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
