your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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