She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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