So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
