On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He shit in the fireplace
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
