I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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