Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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