forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
