Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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