so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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