The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
PANTIES FOUND
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