He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
