My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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