Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
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