i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
