You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
