u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
