barbara walters just said penis...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
