So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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