Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
