Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
