If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
