I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
