can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
