Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
