We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
