there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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