Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
