left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
