Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
