fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
should my penis look like a turkey
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
