I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
