We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
