We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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