he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize