I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
