it hurts more in the daytime
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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