I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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