I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize