Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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