the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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