There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
