It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize
