i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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