Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
