Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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