my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
