I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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