I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
