I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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