Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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