So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
