Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
