Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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