my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
