It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
