He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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