i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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