If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
