The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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