I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
