she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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