Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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