I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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