it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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